Moving Forward

It's been awhile, hasn't it!? Life just got a little overwhelming... well lets be honest, it got over the top chaotic! 

I feel as though I got myself in a paralyzed state of waiting. Waiting for Sev's school to be done. Waiting for our life to truly begin. Waiting for the kids to be just a little bit older. Waiting for the day to be over. Waiting for a moment of my own. Waiting for a break. Waiting... 

I'm not a patient person, I'm just not. Waiting is torturous to me and I've been sitting back for years, but more so in the recent months just drowning from the weight of "life", losing pieces of myself day by day, and dreaming of the moment thats beyond this season. 

There are a lot of amazing women out there that look like they've got their s*&t together and are killing it! I wish I could be like that, part of me thinks its all a facade, but another part of me hopes its not. I really do dream of being accomplished in some creative endeavour, all the while rocking this mom thing giving my kids all the attention they deserve in a calm and collected way, still love my husband at the end of the day, and have my hair look amazing... is that really too much to ask? 

Currently I feel like a blot to society, and no I have not brushed my hair for three days. I'm exhausted!  I know life doesn't need to be perfect but I'm telling you "life" has paralyzed me. I just want more for myself... for our family. I want to see the silver lining with wherever we're at in life. I want tomorrow to be today, and today to be a joy. I want to stop waiting and take flight from where I am and leave each day being a little bit happier and prouder of what I've done and who I've become.

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back." |Philippians 3:12-14, MSG|